


Last Day on Earth

by ScullysRightEyebrow



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Cancer Arc, Episode: s05e02 Redux II, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6415714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullysRightEyebrow/pseuds/ScullysRightEyebrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Redux II, Mulder visits Scully in the hospital and they are forced to confront what the future may hold for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Day on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the scene where Mulder breaks down at Scully's bedside. Sorry for the angst!

Last Day on Earth

Mulder entered the darkened hospital room with feelings of disillusionment and despair like he’d never known. In all his years of loss and suffering, he’d never felt so lost. He had to talk to Scully, to seek her guidance. She was his voice of reason. She always knew the right things to say to him, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Her opinion mattered to him above all others. 

But the moment he saw her sleeping form, Mulder knew that he couldn’t bear to wake her. 

He crossed to the side of the bed and looked down at her sleeping form. She looked so small and fragile, her cancer having ravaged her body, leaving her a shell of her previous self. At least physically. He knew that the strength of her heart and the tenacity of her character weren’t so easily laid to waste despite the fear that she so carefully concealed. 

He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face as his thoughts raced. Guilt, indecision, and anguish were fighting for control of his emotions. In the end, it was anguish that won out.

Mulder fell to his knees at Scully’s side, carefully holding her outstretched hand as silent sobs wracked his body. To hell with government conspiracies, abductions, his hearing, and the X-files; what was he supposed to do without her? He relied on her for everything. He questioned how he had ever gotten by before she came into his life. She was the constant by which he judged everything in his life. She was his biggest advocate and his strictest skeptic. She kept him on track in both work and in life. She kept him from going too far and pushed him when he didn’t go far enough. 

And he had long since realized that he was in love with her. This realization was not sudden; it wasn’t a feeling that hit him like a ton a bricks. It happened so gradually that it was like he had always loved her. One day he just finally saw it for what it was. He had a name for a feeling he had had for a long time. 

How would he keep going when she was gone? Would he even want to? 

As depression began to fight for dominance in his mind, he felt her move. A moment later, Scully’s free hand was resting on his head and her fingers softly stroked his hair.

Mulder let out a shuddering breath and kept his head down, trying to get his emotions under control. He didn’t want her to see him like this. He didn’t want her to worry about him or think him weak. He needed to be strong for her. 

Just as he began to pull himself together, Scully pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, and it was almost his undoing. The tears began to prick at the back of his eyes again and he wanted to scream. He wanted to curse God and yell about the injustice of it all. But instead he lifted his head and gave her a small smile, the most confidant one that he could manage. 

“Hi,” he said softly.

“Hey,” she whispered. 

They were silent for a moment, simply gazing at each other with looks that bordered on melancholy. 

“Are you okay,” she finally asked.

He laughed quietly, once again confounded that she could worry about his well-being while she herself was dying. 

“I’m fine,” he replied with her signature term. “I had just come by to talk, but I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“What did you want to talk about?” Scully asked as her thumb reassuringly stroked the hand that still held her wrist. 

“I doesn’t matter,” he answered. He knew he couldn’t burden her with this. She had enough on her mind and he didn’t want to add to her worries. “How was your night?”

“Fine,” she replied and added softly, “no change.” 

He squeezed her hand as his heart fell. How he wished he could have brought her some good news. 

Scully suddenly let out a harsh breath as a sharp pain racked through her body and she brought her knees up to her chest, seeking some relief. Soon the pain dulled to an ever present ache. 

“Are you in pain?” Mulder asked as he brought his hand to her knee, rubbing it as if his touch could alleviate her all her hurts. 

“Some,” she answered bravely, hoping her tone would mask how she really felt. But as usual, Mulder knew her as well as she knew herself and saw right past the walls that she put up. 

“I’ll get a nurse,” he said, standing and breaking the hold her had on her hand. 

“Don’t,” she replied, grabbing his fingers and pulling him back down. “They’ve given me all the morphine they can until the morning.”

He sighed, dropping his head to his hand for a moment. “What can I do?”

Scully felt the unwelcome beginning of tears and she swallowed down the lump in her throat. After several long moments of silence, she was confident that she could speak without her voice trembling, but the words that came out where not was she was expecting to say.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she said, barely at a whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Mulder assured her, his heart breaking a little more. 

She nodded softly and let out a small sniffle. Mulder reached out and cupped her cheek, and Scully held on to his wrist with what little strength she had left. 

They stayed like this for a long moment before Mulder said, “What else can I do?”

This time both her heart and voice betrayed her as with a sob she said, “Could you just hold me?”

She cursed herself for being so weak in front of him. She wanted to be strong for him, to let him know that he would get through this, but her own needs overwhelmed her. 

Mulder stroked his fingers through her hair. “Of course,” he replied. As if he could deny her anything. 

She made room for him on the small bed and he laid on top of the covers next to her, wrapping her in his arms and clutching her body tightly to his. With a relieved sigh, Scully burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and breathed in his scent. Laying her head against his chest, she held him almost as tightly as he held her. 

Though gloom clutched at his heart, Mulder had never felt more content in his whole life. Holding her like this felt right. It felt familiar. Her arms were where he felt like he belonged. 

They held each other in peace for so long that Mulder was sure that she had fallen asleep, but then her soft words broke through the silence. 

“The chip isn’t working,” she stated softly but with conviction. 

His hand began making slow circles on her back as he replied, “Give it time. If it doesn’t work, I’ll find something that does. I’m not giving up.” 

After a long pause, Scully spoke the words that she knew to be true. 

“Mulder, I don’t have much time left.” She continued through his sounds of protest. “I say this not as a medical professional, but simply as a dying person. I can feel it in my bones. The pain is constant and I don’t even have the strength to stand or even sit up straight. I am so tired all the time, but I’m so scared to sleep,” she admitted with a sob. The tears finally broke through. 

He held her close and just let her speak. “Every time I close my eyes, I wonder if this will be the last time. Because I can feel it. It’s so close now. I’ve been feeling it so strongly tonight.”

“Stop,” he interrupted her. He couldn’t take this. He refused to believe that this would be her last night on Earth, her last night with him. “You are going to be fine,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. They both knew that he was lying but neither spoke up. 

Maybe this was his moment. Maybe it was finally time to tell her that he loved her. Is it better to confess your hidden love to a dying person, or to keep it hidden? Would it be a relief to her or a burden? Would he be doing it for Scully or only for himself? 

In the end he kept quiet, hoping that his actions spoke louder than his words that always fell short. 

“It’s okay to sleep, Scully,” he said softly into her hair, placing a soft kiss there. “I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.” To emphasize his point, he held her tighter, a feat that he didn’t think was even possible. 

“Thank you,” she murmured, nuzzling her face against his chest. No longer able to keep her eyes open, she once again succumbed to sleep. 

**********

“Dana,” a voice broke through her reverie as she felt a hand gently shake her shoulder. 

She felt Mulder shift slightly below her and realized that they were still wrapped around one another. After untangling themselves, Mulder climbed out of the bed as Scully turned find herself caught in her mother’s sad gaze. Over her shoulder, Bill looked on with a disapproving look. 

“Sorry,” she said, looking down self-consciously, “I was, uh, upset last night…” Suddenly a thought crossed her mind. “Your hearing!” she directed to Mulder.

“It’s okay,” he said as he pulled on his jacket. “I have time.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do?”

“I think so,” he replied. 

“Please let me save you,” she whispered, reiterating her words from the previous day. 

He sat on the bed and took her hand, ignoring the others in the room. “You already have,” he said with a sad smile. 

Her eyebrows furrowed. She was so worried about him. Not only about the hearing, but about what would happen to him after she died. Would he seek revenge for her and get himself killed along the way? Or would he simply give up on life? But more than anything, she was scared that when he walked out that door that she would never see him again. 

“If they arrest you today, they…they won’t let me see you before I…I,” she said with a tremble in her voice, panic beginning to set in. 

“Hey, hey,” he shushed her, wrapping his hand around her neck, “I will be back. I will see you tonight. I promise. No one can stop me.” 

She nodded and wondered if this was her moment. Should she tell him that she thinks she is falling in love with him? Or would it only add to his long list of burdens? 

In the end she kept silent as he brushed a kiss to her check and stood. With one final squeeze to her hand and one last meaningful look, Mulder started toward the door, and after nodding at the room’s other occupants, he was gone. 

**********

Twelve hours later, Mulder once again stood at the door to Scully’s room, but this time it was with feelings of hope and happiness that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“I’m in remission,” she had told him with a watery smile as she sat up in bed. “I don’t know how, but I’m in remission.” 

He could have wept with joy and relief but shoved the emotions down for a more private time. Instead he wrapped his arms around her as they both laughed with delight. 

As he stood in the doorway and watched Scully celebrate with her family, Mulder couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. He knew the emotions and implications would catch up with him eventually, but for right now he was happy. He had his best friend back. The woman he loves back. He had more time with her, and though there would always be those who tried to break them apart, at this moment they were alive, and they were together.  
The End


End file.
